We start off this episode with Kathy. Best way to pick things up. She says she uses her test kitchen to hide from her hubby. Caroline and Jacqueline take a visit to the new kitchen. Apparently it's in a bad part of town, but who cares. Soon Rosie shows up, too, and they immediately talk about Teresa. Of course. Please allow me to eye roll for a moment.
They all talk about the retreat, and immediately Jacqueline acts like a child and says she doesn't wanna go. Quick to the bandwagon is Caroline, too, who has a more mature answer by saying she's done all she can. I guess it should be a family thing to get them all in line, but it's kind of weird that they don't want to even try any more.
Back at Teresa's her parents show up to visit with the family. Her father is out of the hospital and looking a lot better. This is yet another moment where Teresa is looking more and more sane, which is weird since the show spent so much time making her look like a psychopath the past two years.
Apparently they are making 800 pounds of sausage. How the hell are they all going to eat that. That's still over 50 pounds of meat per person. I'm a fatty and I couldn't eat that much. Teresa spends a few moments on camera with her father, and has a moment with him. It was sad and endearing.
Teresa calls her brother while he's golfing to invite him to the retreat. First off, he doesn't know what a retreat is. Really? Secondly, Teresa comes off a bit offensive on the phone when talking to her brother. He doesn't seem too sold on the notion, but knowing this show, he will go, and so will most the the cast, if not all.
Oh yeah, Melissa is on this show. It's like her husband has taken over as the other housewife and she's the rarely used husband. She goes out with her friends who are not too impressed with her book idea. The more she explains it, the more it sounds horrible. I may not be buying this book after all. In order to save the conversation, they bring up Teresa. God if Tre leaves the show, they will have absolutely nothing to talk about, unless Danielle comes back.
Now we get to the part they've been promoing the hell out of this week. The phone call from hell. So weird that they put the promo piece in the middle of the episode instead of at the end. Anyway, Kathy puts it on speaker, even though she knows Jacqueline is insanely angry with Teresa at all times. Teresa said Jacqueline could come, and then starts to blame Jacqueline, who snatches her phone.
So Jacqueline starts screaming in the middle of a store. She looks just as bad as Teresa does, and this will probably end up with Teresa mad at Kathy. Anyway, Teresa dares Jacqueline to come. Looks like she may be going just to spite her. The interview with Jacqueline shouting "liar" was insane. I cannot. I CAN NOT!
Teresa has dinner with some of her friends, one of whom is Melissa's friend from her wedding. She claims that now that she's on the show, she ditched all her friends. Oh boy, and she's got dirt. First off, don't say you hate someone before you spill a huge secret. Makes it look like more of a lie. But this woman says that Melissa had an affair. Teresa says she's heard it before, and she was tired of people talking about her, so she said she didn't want to be involved in this. Of course Kim D wants to keep the drama going, and urges her to keep spreading the rumor. WHY DOES TERESA HANG OUT WITH HER!?
We are also treated to a nice Caroline segment. I have fallen in and out of love with her so many times, but I'm finally back around to being in love with her again. She's having a serious dinner with her husband. They disagree what the "getaway" apartment is. She pleads with him to not worry about the details and spend time with her. Thankfully, she senses quickly the dark turn of the conversation and recovers with a series of jokes.
Melissa is having some sort of get together at her house. She's calling it "brunch" but I call it "morning drunk". Jacqueline quickly spots Kathy and tries to apologize, but then turns it into a rant. She starts screaming "Shut the F**k up!" like any civilized sane person would.
Surprisingly, Rosie is very positive regarding the entire trip. She is urging everyone to go, but Jacqueline is a no-go -- and a brat about it. And we finally get to see Joe shirtless. I certainly hope we see him take off all his clothes as much as the past few years. Can we say "dat blur"?
Jump cut to Melissa hanging with one of the trash talkers that Kim D brought into the picture. Seeing that she's labeled "Teresa's Friend", I was well aware that she was going to start some crap. We get a flashback to remind us that she was the real estate agent that said her house sucked. She told Melissa that her friend Jan said she was a cheater. Melissa doubts her, which is gonna be embarrassing when the truth comes out on the show. The friend says Teresa didn't say anything, which has set Melissa off. My theory is that Kim D knows that talking smack will get her more air time. Lady you aren't going to be the next housewife. Give up. Brandi from Beverly Hills you are NOT!
There's another get together mashup of Kathy/Melissa/Jacqueline inserted. It's like they are all attached at the hip. They immediately discuss the cheating rumors. Of course Jacqueline inserts her crazy into the mess, making Kathy very uncomfortable. Oh and look! Kim D is in the house. Queue the awkward across the room camera zoom.
Rich calls her , so they can discuss what they've all been talking about. Rich has a great way of breaking the ice, but he's quickly interrupted by Melissa. Is everyone finally opening their eyes to her bull? And in the middle of the Kim/Melissa fight, Jacqueline pushes her way in. If she really wanted to be away from the madness, she would shut her damn mouth and not interject into this. I'm not sure if she's drunk, but it would appear that way.
Am I the only one who hates Kim D's voice? Surely not.
To wrap it all up, Melissa decides to make the whole mess an intervention, and the tell-all friend tells Teresa she met with Melissa to talk with her about the incident.
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