Taking Over The Universe: JPop Watch: Koda Kumi "Dance In The Rain" Video Review

I understand that this is the second JPop watch ever, and that it's pretty much on the same topic as the first, but give me a break here! This video is phenomenal! And I haven't done a video "review" in a long time. It's kind of tradition that when Kumi drops a big budget piece of work I go and rip it to hell in the most loving way possible. So here's me taking a stab at "Dance In The Rain".

(Warning: A TON of pictures under the cut)

So this video starts off with Koda Kumi, the star of this video, wandering around a desert like area. Not a lot happens here, other than her showing off her Lady Gaga glasses that seem to be recycled from stuff that seemed to be left over props from "Whatchu Waitin' On" last year. This version of Kumi Imma call Lost Kumi. Anyway, so lost Kumi wanders around the desert for a while for the first verse. Big whoop.

"I was told Americans think this is cool."

Before we move on the the next version of Kumi that pops up, I'd like to point out that she dies in this video. Like a lot. Not long after the Volcano Princess Kumi is introduced, Lost Kumi just kind of gives up on live and flops over on the ground. Dead. Trust me. This is something you'll see again.

Dead.

Now we can move onto Volcano Island Princess. This is one of the best looks for this video, as well as one of the most visually striking. It stands out because it varies from the rest of the videos white and black color scheme and throws in some bright reds. Unfortunately for the fans, Koda doesn't really do much here either. She is known for dancing, but as far as this portion goes, she just kind of flails her arms around while her back up dancers work their asses off making it look cool.

At least she looks pretty.

The chorus section after the first verse is where we really see Kumi shine. This version, whom I'll call Ultra Dance Kumi, really gets back into that hip-hop dance vibe that she's known for. Not all of it works (such as her jazz hands) but as a unit, it looks very impressive. As always, her dancers are 100% in sync, and she really knows her body and limitations.

Jazz hands!!

The most striking part of this dance was when the male dancers actually picked her up, held her on their hands, and safely allowed her to do a backflip down onto the ground. Thats the kind of stuff you don't see in every dance routine. I mean the last time I'd seen something like that was a few years ago on Eurovision when the Ukraine decided to one-up itself over and over.

#TrueQueen

After the first chorus we move into the second verse and we get to see where the trailer's version of her fit in. I really like the visuals on this scene, although not a lot actually happens. This version, dubbed Trapped Kumi, is tied up and has some kind of petal veil over her face. She has no idea that half naked guys are dancing around her and she's trapped in a room that looks like it belongs in Bregna. Or maybe she does. This isn't really touched on much. She's Koda Kumi, so I retract my statement and say she probably knew.

Is anybody there? I think I can hear someone.

Just before the second verse ends, the petals float off of her face and she stands up. The dancers are now gone, to which I assume there is a deleted scene where she kicks their asses into submission, and it's revealed that Trapped Kumi is Lost Kumi. Who, as they quickly remind us before the second chorus kicks in, is still dead.


Still dead.

There's not much that's notable about the second Ultra Dance Kumi segment other than she does the Jazz Hands move again. Which is amazing.

More jazz hands!!!

The entire bridge portion is Volcano Island Kumi. I have come to the conclusion that this Kumi is summoning something, because what else would she be doing at an active volcano? Obviously she's about to sacrifice some other Jpop star who is trying to take her crown so she can ascend to be queen again. But alas, it was too much for her, and she died.

Dead.

Now here is my main gripe with this video. It's called "Dance In The Rain", right? Well first of all she doesn't do a whole lot of dancing -- out of the four or so different sections of the video she's only dancing in one, and it takes a whole three minutes of a three and a half minute song to actually show her dancing in the rain. AND to top it all off, she looks really annoyed that it started raining in the middle of her dance off.

Just look at how annoyed she is!

But being the professional she is, she keeps dancing to finish out the song. Lucky for anyone who isn't a gay male or a straight female (wait. if thats you why are you even reading my blog?), she gets really wet and slutty for this part. Like REALLY slutty. Like "Selfish" video slutty. Only wet. Sadly we don't get wet jazz hands.

Instead we get this.

Also Ultra Dance Kumi dies.

Dead.

In the end, the only surviving Kumi, Trapped Kumi/Reborn Lost Kumi opens up the doors of her prison and finds herself in the desert from the beginning of the video. She apparently is caught in an endless loop, or we just got the video all Boondock Saints style and she has no idea that she's gonna die in that desert. Either way, she wanders off to pick up some sort of apple that is inexplicably growing in the desert from a shrub which I am pretty sure could never happen. Oh well. That's Japan for you.